Hide your mint sauce, lock away those Lamb cutlets, the Derby fan's are on the prowl. It's party time in Sheepville this week after Paul Pornstar finally guided his team to a first league victory and it only took 37 attempts!

The Championship showed it's un-stable nature as Forest slipped 4 places after teams below them won, including the woolly's from Pride Dark. Norwich, Palace, Sheep and of course Burnley all leapfrogged the Red's to show that this league is all about consistency. If you can get some then you stand a chance, lack it and it's a roller-coaster all the way.

Newcastle are making every other club feel far more professional this week with their on running saga. The fan's like keegan, they don't like Ashley, they like Shearer, they don't like Wise, they like Newcastle Brown Ale, they don't like Sunderland. Has any one figured out what it would take to appease the Geordies?

Ashley, who hasn't openly admitted it, was reportedly trying to off-load Michael Owen and Joey Barton during the final days of the transfer window, much to the perm-tastic Keegan's disliking. They argue, Dennis Wise interjects "I'll nut ya knee cap's me old sparra" and Keegan does what Keegan does best, walks out.

Even this week it was reported that Ashley has been in talks with Keegan trying to lure him straight back into the hot seat, apparently listening to the Geordie fan's who have been camped out side St James's park calling for the dynamic duo's heads (Ashley&Wise).

In Cock-a-knee land West Ham have appointed Gianfranco Zola as their new manager, despite having very little experience and want Chelsea assistant Steve Clarke as his number 2. Clarke likes the idea of swapping Title contenders for mid table obscurity so has agreed, but hold on.

Peter Kenyon, a man who knows plenty about loyalty after dropping Manchester united like a hot Potato when Roman Abramovich flashed his cash, has said that the club will demand £5million for the want away Clarke. £5Million, for a coach! Has the world gone mad? Even if he was playing today, Steve Clarke wouldn't be worth £1million, so why £5m as a coach?

In League one, remember that place?, Leicester suffered a home defeat at the hands of Millwall, Cheltenham got rid of their gaffer and Jermaine Beckford smashed his 8th goal of the season as Leeds came from behind with just 10 men. League two saw Bradford go top with a 4-1 thrashing of Exeter, peter Thorne and former Stag Michael Boulding scoring double's, whilst Nott's County managed to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory. One - nil up they went on 90 Minute's only to concede in injury time. Come on Charlie Mac, teach em' how to defend!

Forest Fire Simmering

I'm afraid it's two defeats in a row for our boys as we flattered to deceive against a well organised Burnley team. If truth be told though, we never deserved any more than we got on Saturday. Good twenty minute spells at the beginning of each half were not enough to see off the Clarets. Although had Nathan Tyson scored his one-on-one chance early on, then the game may have taken a different path.

Tyson say's he's going to earn an improved contract offer from the Red's board but I'm afraid the only offer he'll get with that type of finishing will be job in the club shop. Work on your composure Ty', because believe me, there's no one more than you that I'd like to see succeed.

It's early in the season and 20th's only a stop gap but if we fail to take anything away from Deep Dale on Tuesday and suffer at the hands of Charlton on Saturday then next week's Rant may be decidedly gloomy. I watched Southampton get thrashed by QPR On Sunday and the group of kid's there are going to struggle but Forest must not rely on others to keep us in this division.

Get your vocal chords out for next Saturday guy's and girl's because we're going to need a twelfth man out there.

Alan March
Commentator for visually impaired spectators at Nottingham Forest and Wembley Stadium.