Crazy world football isn't it? In just one week we saw 2 massive transfers, Berbatov and Ribena!, Manchester City were took over by the only bloke wealthy enough to lend Bill Gates a tenner, Joe Cole spared Fabio's blushes and Scotland missed a chance to go above England in the FIFA world rankings for the first time in a Million years! Don't suppose you can pack much more into that now?

Well for me it was back to decorating my house, I know , it's a longer running saga than the 'is it a he or is it a she, Hailey from Coronation Street' but I persist for the good grace of sanity. The other half's, not mine.

I also took a trip to a recording studio to lend my vocals to an FA 'Respect' campaign video. The minute and a half sketch shows one football side of ex-pro's, Les Ferdinand, Gary Mabbutt, Dave Beasant, Steve Claridge and Mark Bright to name a few, playing against a group of celebrities. Now before I give some 'celeb' names out I'd like to get something off my chest about the so called modern day 'celeb'.

In this ever shrinking world of talent and total inability to show good TV we are resorting to showing naff soap's and reality TV. Day time TV watching dole wallers think that Jeremy Kyle is Tony Blair's successor and that Gordon Brown was in fact a Stranglers hit in 1982. Jade Goody is a role model for taking her close off and being a little, well let's say DIM and Jordan is a good parent for taking her close and being a little, well, plastic! Fern Cotton shows us all that if were lazy for long enough and get abnormally fat then there's always surgery to get rid of unwanted pouches, it's beats exercising doesn't it love? It's no wonder Mr. Motivator's not on the tele any more.

Calum Best, famous for being his Dad's child, Paris Hilton, Famous for being rich, Tara Palmer Tompkinson……..? Answers on a post card for that one please. Can you imagine an episode of modern day Celebrity Squares? "and so, for £4000, can you tell me what indeed the celebrity in the box actually does?" . "er, yeah, erm, hang on, did he come 650th in X factory Idol academy?". oooooh, grow some talent!

So, enough about that. Included in the Celeb team were GMTV's Ben Shepard, some bloke from Hollyoak's and that fat bloke that played Barry in Eastenders. The point of the Add is that there is no referee for the tie and all hell brakes loose. Special appearances form Premier League ref Howard Webb and Fabio Cappello along with hair pulling, hand bags and a good old Chinese burn make the clip funny yet poignant .

My task was to give it an Audio Description, like what I do for the games. I was locked in a booth and was back out again in three takes, not bad for an amateur, if I do say so myself. If you want to see the real advert then Log onto the FA website and search for their Respect campaign, it's actually worth a look.

Joe Cole thought he had earned the respect of Fabio after rescuing England with 2 goals from the bench against the mighty Andorra on Saturday, but young Joe was hughly mistaken. Along with Wayne Rooney Cole was blasted by the gaffer for constantly dropping too deep and searching for the ball. Fabio knows what he wants and I get the impression he won't stop until he gets it. It is a worrying sign that we needed Cole and Emile Heskey to come off the bench to beat a group of milkmen and Gym instructor's.

Scotland , had England lost against Croatia on the Wednesday, would of leapt ahead of England in FIFA's eyes with a win in Macedonia. Not like the Scott's to throw it away, hey? A one goal defeat in the humid temperatures got George Burley off to a start that must of reminded him of his time in Derby?

Speaking of pathetic losers, I told you all last week that I took part, ney, ran a training session for Audio Descriptive Commentators in Swindon, well it appears I was a big success. The RNIB have been in contact and would like me to take the next session so that they can weed out some hidden talent from the Midlands area. One slight draw back, the session will be held at Pride Dark! Well, as long as I bleach my shoe's and eyes after wards I don't think the damage will last.

No Forest this weekend only Robert Earnshaw running around like a headless victim in a B movie horror flick. Azerbaijan were nearly too good for the Derby fans' poorer relatives (Wales=Sheep) only for Sam Vokes to score on his debut and spare John Toshack any more of a red face.

Burnley Saturday so be there, if not, read my match report and weekly rant next Monday.

Alan March
Commentator for Visually Impaired spectators at Nottingham Forest and Wembley Stadium.